February 22, 2010

Hi Baby Girl. I’m excited to check on you tomorrow. Your 21 week appointment is tomorrow. Actually tomorrow marks day one is week 22 (but who’s counting?!?). You are doing GREAT, as is Jamie. She is so happy and so healthy which makes me so very, very happy.

I told the world about you on Facebook today. I’m thinking Facebook will still be around when you are old enough to read this, but just in case it isn’t, I’ll tell you what it is. It is a website where people find their friends—old and new—and get updates from them about their life. You can post photos, videos, notes, etc. Anyway, today I took a photo of Grace in her “Big Sister” shirt and posted “The Nagel Family is thrilled to announce that Grace will welcome her sister and we will welcome our second daughter this July.”

I didn’t get into the specifics about how you are coming into this world because those that are close to us already know (or will know when they see me or talk to me in the months to come).

We got TONS of e-mails congratulating us. As I’ve told you now a million times, you will always be our miracle. Love you!!!

Mom

February 19, 2010

Hello my sweet Lilly. I thought I would take this quiet moment to let you know that I love you. We have had one very long and very scary week.

Your sister got horribly sick on Monday and we have spent the last 5 days trying to figure out what was wrong with her. On Monday Jamie came over and Grace, your Grandma N and I were all talking to you. Grace was shining a flashlight at Jamie’s belly to try and get you to move more.

They left at around 4pm and Grace began throwing up non-stop for about an hour. Grandma M came over to check on us and Grace went limp and her eyes rolled back into her head while sitting in the bathtub. We rushed her to the doctor with Grandma just holding her limp and wet in the backseat of the car. The doctors thought she had a seizure. She was tired and very out of it. She basically slept through the doctor’s appointment and did sleep through her whole blood draw at 5pm at the hospital—SCARY. She was sent home and we were told to monitor her through the night. Early the next morning she was still VERY “off”—not able to tell us what a television is called. She just couldn’t remember the name of it as hard as she tried. She said “I don’t know mom, it is the machine that you watch shows on”. Grandma M, Dad and I totally panicked and rushed her back to the ER. She was sedated by IV and had an MRI done to look for evidence of a stroke or a tumor. Terrifying. I cried non-stop in the waiting room, scared to death. She was put in my arms to sleep… This was the longest and most terrifying 45 minutes of our life.

The MRI came back perfect. Praise God! The following day (Wed) we had an EEG done and met with the neurologist. Her brain waves were perfect and we learned that she couldn’t have epilepsy. Thank God again! The neurologist does not believe that she had a seizure on Monday. She thought she just had a VERY bad virus, maybe mono. Her white blood cell count was very high though at 26,800. I was terrified again on Wednesday night because she began to throw up again, just as I thought she was getting better. I was on the phone with the doctor until 11pm. We decided I would continue to monitor her from home because IF this was mono, she needed rest.

Yesterday (Thurs) she rested at home all day and continued to improve. Today I took her in for one more poke just to make sure that she is on the mend. She is much better and her white blood cell count is back in the normal range at 6,000. Her mono test that was 80% accurate came back negative.

SO, all these tests later we still have no idea what happened on Monday. It was obviously very serious, yet we may never get to the bottom of it.

We are overjoyed that she is getting much better. She is still more tired than usual but so much better!

I would really like to know though what caused all of these very scary moments. Hopefully we will know more when we get the test results back next week on today’s blood work. (We only got some of the results back today.)

I will tell you, a week like this week makes you realize how incredibly precious a healthy child is. She is my heart and I know that if anything happened to her I could not go on. The love a mother has for her child is like no other love on earth. Being the very best mom I can be is the only thing that matters—it is the only legacy I need to leave.

It makes me a little nervous that I will now have two children that I love THIS much. That I will have two children to protect and keep safe. The thought/fear of ever missing a signal regarding your or your sister's health or dropping the ball in any way as your mother just terrifies me. May each of you live long, healthy, happy lives and may you each outlive me. I pray that you continue to grow to be healthy and strong, just as your big sister does.

I’ve been calling you my little flower and it is making Grace jealous. She said that she is my flower too. I told her that you can each be my flower. You will be my Lilly and Grace will be my rose. She no longer wants to be my precious Angel. The sister rivalry has begun! Really though, we are getting so, so, so, so, so excited about you! Grace told the neurologist all about you this week and the neurologist and her intern thought the story of your conception was so beautiful and Jamie’s gift so rare. We will never ever take the gift of your life for granted.

Thank you, God, for our babies. Please keep each of them safe and sound and please help us to always be the very best parents that we can be.

Love you honey—you are 20.5 weeks old today!

February 12, 2010

Hi my baby girl—I cannot wait to see you, to hold you in my very own arms—to give you love. Next Tuesday marks the end of the first 20 weeks. In some ways the time has flown by, in others it feels like we have come so far. I cannot wait until the moment when you are placed in my arms, when I look into your beautiful eyes and know that you are forever my baby, my precious baby girl.

I cannot wait until that moment, that moment when Grace holds you and knows you as her long awaited baby sister.

I cannot wait until that moment, that moment when I watch your loving father fall head over heels in love with you.

20 more weeks…

I love you honey, more than you will probably ever know. You were SO wanted, so prayed upon, so loved—you will complete me, you will complete us. You will complete us. Please always know that you are just as loved as Grace, just as precious to us as Grace. My hope is that you will find and read this journal if you ever question any of these things. We climbed mountains to have you and even though you are not growing in my belly, you are growing in our hearts. My heart is overflowing with love for you already. I still sometimes feel like you must be too good to be true. You will always be our miracle baby. You will always be the greatest gift given to me. We are ALL so much better because of you.

You are kicking all of the time now. Jamie said that you were a wild child last night and today. You are strong now—she can’t miss your kicks. She said that I will be feeling them very soon. I can’t wait!!! She also said that she is really showing all of a sudden. I haven’t seen her in a week and a half but I plan to visit in a few days. I am really looking forward to seeing her and her belly, proof that you are getting big and strong.

Your Dad is painting Grace’s big girl room right now. I’m really looking forward to her moving into it so that we can begin getting the nursery ready for you.

Grace and I went sledding two days ago and we heard a dad call out to his little girl “Lily, come on up the hill!” It sounded so sweet and beautiful. I came home and talked to your Dad about that name over dinner. We both just loved it—everyone loved it! So, I am 99.99% sure that you will be Lilly—our precious flower. We will name you Lillian Kate. Beautiful, isn’t it?!?

If you look up the meaning of the Lily flower it means refined beauty and pure. I am sure that you will be our pure refined beauty. I just think this is such a beautiful, classic, elegant, and timeless name. I sure hope you agree, as it will be yours!

Grace made you a Valentine yesterday and she wrote on it (with my help): “To Lilly, love Grace”. Needless to say, my heart melted. Grace has a sister finally and man does she love you already! I think your names sound so beautiful together too. You are our little Lilly now and we are so in love with you!

Sleep tight, my love.

Xoxoxoxoxoxox,

Mom

February 4, 2010

Hi, baby GIRL!!! Let me begin by telling you how glad I am that you and your sister will have one another! What a gift each of you has been given. My dream for you is that you two appreciate each other and love each other as much as your Aunt Andrea and I. We had our fights over clothes while teenagers but as adults and Moms, there is nothing better than a sister!

I cannot wait to move Grace into her big girl bedroom so that we can begin getting your room ready for you! Grace and I will have so much fun cleaning and folding all of her newborn clothing as well as adding to your collection! You will be in good shape, I promise! You are entering a home filled with dress up clothes, dolls, doll houses, nail polish and hair bows—anything “girl,” well, we’ve pretty much got it! I guess there was a reason I bought every single baby item in pink too. Everything in this house screams “Girl!” from the high chair, to the car seat, stroller, play pen—you name it! So, apparently we were meant to have girls!!!

The ultrasound couldn’t have gone better. You look perfect. So adorable (and a lot like Grace did). You have a little button nose, just like she did, and a tiny little chin. Jamie has a sweet little baby belly now, too.

We got to look at you for almost an hour because you were being shy and didn’t want to tell us your sex. Jamie got up and went to the bathroom. She then jumped a few times to wake you up and we finally learned that you are our daughter and Gracie’s sister. So awesome!

Grace is super excited about you still. She tells everyone about her baby, her sister. All of her teachers now know about you too because SHE told them. She even told them that you are growing in Jamie’s belly. I confirmed the big news and they are all VERY happy for us and VERY supportive. Everyone is. You are such a huge gift—you are all of our dream come true, especially your Dad’s, Grace’s and mine. You, our baby girl, have finally made our family feel complete. What an amazing feeling!!!

I love you more than you will ever know… Well, at least until you become a mom yourself. Then you too will know this incredible love. Honestly, there is nothing else like it.

I am off to Las Vegas tomorrow for a long weekend with my best friends from college. Can’t wait to see each of them and to celebrate! Now, off to bed…

Love you little angel,

Mom