Monday, January 31, 2011

3 am February 1st, 2010

Hi Honey,

I can’t sleep tonight so I thought I would say “Hi” to you. It is very early on Monday morning and at on Tuesday we will have the incredible privilege of checking on you through an ultrasound. I cannot wait!

I am so excited to see your little profile and to learn if you are my son or my daughter. For some reason I really think you are a boy, I’m not sure why. Maybe it is because your heart rate is around 140 or maybe it is because Jamie and her whole family are now convinced you are a boy. Who knows? The ONLY thing I pray for is your health.

Jamie is feeling your kicks more and more by the day. We were on the phone a couple of days ago and her cat jumped into her lap. You kicked the cat back.

Anyway, my love, I cannot wait to see you and to name you. You, our dream, are getting more and more “real” by the day.

So much love sweetheart,

Your Mom

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

January 26, 2010

17 weeks “baked”—hurray!

The last two weeks have been beyond perfect. I’m wondering where to begin…

I’ll start with yesterday. Yesterday we heard your heartbeat, and it was music to our ears. You are doing great! Jamie continues to look and feel just awesome. She has a little baby bump now and she asked me to feel how hard it was yesterday. You are growing!

Our friendship is also growing. Honestly, I just adore Jamie. She really is the very best person I have ever known. She is so thoughtful, humble, caring, fun and so easy to talk to. I feel like I got much more than I bargained for on this journey because not only am I getting you, my dear, but I am also realizing daily that I have the very best friend one could ever ask for. God really had a plan for me that was so much bigger than any plan I could have ever made for myself. I’m feeling incredibly blessed.

On that note, I really thought that this journey would be harder on me. I thought that missing your kicks would just kill me and that I would be jealous of Jamie’s growing belly. The truth is, I am ok with all of it. More than ok really. You see, in exchange for your kicks I will be able to enjoy you those first few weeks out of the womb while in perfect health. I missed those weeks with Grace… I also sleep well at night, knowing that you are in the very best of hands. You are safe and sound and, in the end, that is all that any of us can ask for.

A week from today we will go to bed knowing if you are our son or our daughter. I really can’t even guess at this point. Grace calls you her brother while your dad calls you his daughter. Jamie and her whole family still think you are a boy, and your Aunt Andrea and Uncle Jay think you are a girl. Both Grandmas refuse to guess.

I have decided, with your Dad’s support, to be done taking new clients for work now. Work has been really, really hard this past year (thanks to our dreadful economy) so I am very excited to be closing that chapter until you are older. I am also looking forward to really enjoying these last months peacefully with Grace since this will be the end of her chapter as an only child.

I forgot to mention that the doctor invited Grace to the ultrasound. She is super excited to see you inside of Jamie’s belly and to learn, with us, if she is having a brother or a sister. That makes next Tuesday even that much more exciting!

The other funny story I wanted to tell you is how a week ago Friday Jamie joined me to surprise many of my friends with our big news. We all went to dinner (12 of us) and my very good friend from middle school and high school announced that she was 12 weeks pregnant. I asked her how she was feeling and she said great except that her nipples hurt. I had just introduced Jamie to these friends and she chimed in to ask Robin, this friend, if she had talked to her doctor about her nipple sensitivity. Robin said “No, why?”

Jamie said “Well, I’m expecting too, and my doctor told me to rub my nipples with a towel after getting out of the shower to prepare them for breast feeding.” Then she asked Robin if she planned on breast feeding. Robin said “Yes, do you?”

Jamie said “No.” She went on to tell everyone (who had by now already all congratulated her) that this was her 6th pregnancy. They were all shocked to say the least. They were saying things like “Sixth? Really?!? You look amazing!!! How old are your kids?”

Jamie went on to tell them that 13 years ago they gave their son up for adoption and that they also have a 5, 3, 2 and 1 year old. Again, everyone was just shocked.

They asked her how she felt about being pregnant again and she said, “Honestly, I don’t want to bring this baby home from the hospital.” Everyone laughed, not knowing what to make of this friend of mine! She said “No, I’m being serious. I really don’t want to bring this baby home.” No one said a word. Then she looked to me and said, “Amy, do you think you and Fred would want this baby?” I said “Absolutely, we would LOVE it!” No one knew where this was going… Then, Jamie said “OK, it’s yours!” They all just looked at us. I said to everyone “Seriously, it’s ours—biologically this is our baby.”

All of these friends knew our long journey and they were SO happy for us. Many of them were crying and they all thanked Jamie for her gift. They had hours worth of questions, and Jamie and I enjoyed answering all of the questions as a team. It was yet another of our magical moments! This really is one GREAT journey! A journey like no other. I and we are so lucky to be on it!!!

Love you, our 17 week old baby!



Thursday, January 13, 2011

January 14, 2010

Jamie and I spent the afternoon together and it was wonderful. She looks amazing—really, really beautiful. She definitely has “the glow.” I could not tell by looking at her yet that she is pregnant but she said she can definitely tell on herself. She has only gained two pounds so far. Awesome self control!

We had a nice long Mexican lunch, went to say hi to Grace and Grandma and went to the mall. Today was Grace’s first time seeing Jamie since learning that she is growing “my baby” (as she calls you). She is getting SO excited about you. She is constantly saying “When my baby gets here…” or “When my brother gets here…” She seems pretty sure that you are a boy. Jamie and Jamie also think that you are a boy now. I’m leaning that way too. Your Dad is still positive that you are a girl. Time will tell! We just hope and pray that you are healthy, boy or girl.

Today is day one of week 16. So cool! You are all developed—just growing big and strong now. Keep up the good work little one. We love you oh so much!

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

January 11, 2010

My dear, dear baby… I just want you to know how much I love and cherish you already. In just one more day you will be 15 weeks created. That means it will only be 25 more weeks or so until you are in our arms. I cannot wait for that day!

God please continue to watch over our baby and Jamie. Please keep our baby and Jamie safe, healthy and strong.

I have been reminded again this past week how fragile life is. Reminders like this are gut wrenching and so terribly sad. They are also scary because you see first hand how quickly joy can turn into horrible sorrow. In the last three weeks two of my friends had late term miscarriages. Each felt fine but learned they had lost their baby at their routine ultrasound.

The news is particularly hard for me to hear because I am so far removed from you and your growth and development, my dear little love. It is also hard because I had not told our news of you to these friends and I felt that I wanted to just be supportive at this impossible time and knew it wasn’t at all appropriate to mention you. So, I felt guilty for not telling them about you but also felt as though I wanted to be there 110% for them. I hope when they find out about you they will understand.

If I’m going to be completely honest, the thought of you sometimes feels almost too good to be true. I’m working really hard today on remaining positive and so very grateful for you. I cannot wait to check on you soon at our doctor’s appointment in two weeks. These two weeks cannot pass soon enough right now.

I spoke to Jamie today, and she is doing really great. She said that she is really starting to pop. I hope she will show me her belly when I see her this Wednesday on our date. I can’t believe that two weeks have passed since we last hung out!

She told me the cutest thing today. She and boy Jamie were watching a movie on Sat night and Jamie got up from his side of the couch and went over to hers. He pulled up her shirt and kissed her belly. Then he said “I love you baby, even if you aren’t ours.” When Jamie told me this today, huge tears swelled up in my eyes. I’m just so glad that they love you, too. It kills me that I can’t tell you daily how much I love you while rubbing my growing belly. Just know that you are loved—by many, many people. They are taking wonderful care of you and they will always love you, just as you will always love them. We would not have you if it were not for their incredible gift of love.

Continue to grow strong my dear—25 weeks to go!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

January 4, 2009

It has been another wonderful week, and you are now 14 weeks grown! I really can’t believe that Jamie begins week 15 tomorrow. Amazing! Jamie is feeling really great, and she says she has felt you kick some. She is not showing at all yet and has not gained any weight. This is normal for her though. She typically begins to show around 20 weeks and she said she gains all of her weight during the last half of her pregnancies. It’s funny because I had already gained 10 pounds by now with Grace, and I was 100% in maternity clothes. Goes to show that each woman is completely different when it comes to being pregnant, and Jamie’s body sure does pull it off better than mine did!

The biggest update over this past week is that we told Grace about you. She is SO excited to be your Big Sister! We were at one of her favorite places, called Play World, and she took a break from playing to eat her favorite meal for lunch, pizza. I asked her if she was having as much fun as she thought she would and she said it was even better. Then Fred and I looked at each other and knew this was our moment. I said “Honey, do you know why your Dad and I have been talking about names so much lately? ” She said “I don’t know, maybe because you and Dad like to talk about names?” I said “Is that why, Fred?” Daddy said “Well, that is one reason, Grace. Mommy and I do like talking about names.” I told Grace to ask her Dad why else and she did. He then told her that she was going to be a big sister. Her excitement was adorable! Through the roof!!! I then explained to her that my belly is broken and that since Jamie’s belly works so well she is growing Grace her brother or sister. Later that day I got out the photo album and showed Grace the photo of the embryos (otherwise known as “baby seeds”) as well as the photo of all of us at the doctor’s office the day of the embryo transfer. We next looked through the ultrasound photos. As we looked through the photos I again explained everything to her, and she really seems to get it 100%. Amazing, since she is a 3 year old!

Grace wanted to know when she would get her baby, and we told her it would be just before her 4th birthday. Jamie is due on July 7th, and Grace’s birthday is July 20th, so that made it easy for her to understand.

On the way home from Play World we let Grace call her Grandmas to share her big news with them. (They, of course, already knew but were chomping at the bit for Grace to know.) She said to each of them, “You are going to want to come to my birthday party this year, Grandma! And, when you come to my party you are going to want to come into the living room, OK? Because in the living room guess what you will see? MY REAL baby!!! You can hold my baby, too, but just don’t drop it, OK?”

She has been playing “Big Sister” all week with her dolls. We have been practicing changing diapers, pushing the stroller, giving them bottles and baths—you name it! Honestly, she couldn’t be any more happy about you!

By the way, I couldn’t help but tell everyone at the shower the other day of the last journal entry—the evening of our ultrasound. When the third person asked me if we were working on number 2, I just had to tell them our secret. Everyone was very loving and very supportive.

We told other friends on New Year's Eve, and they too were overjoyed and thought the story of your conception was beautiful. Beautiful really is such a great way to summarize it. Everything about this last three months has been beautiful.

We also told our Moms that they could tell their friends now, and they have each told all of their friends about the miracle of your conception over the past few days. It feels so good to let the world know about you now!

We love you so much, my dear baby. In six more months you will be in our arms! Next Christmas we will be holding a belly laughing six month old. Amazing! I cannot wait!!!

Your Mommy