January 11, 2010

My dear, dear baby… I just want you to know how much I love and cherish you already. In just one more day you will be 15 weeks created. That means it will only be 25 more weeks or so until you are in our arms. I cannot wait for that day!

God please continue to watch over our baby and Jamie. Please keep our baby and Jamie safe, healthy and strong.

I have been reminded again this past week how fragile life is. Reminders like this are gut wrenching and so terribly sad. They are also scary because you see first hand how quickly joy can turn into horrible sorrow. In the last three weeks two of my friends had late term miscarriages. Each felt fine but learned they had lost their baby at their routine ultrasound.

The news is particularly hard for me to hear because I am so far removed from you and your growth and development, my dear little love. It is also hard because I had not told our news of you to these friends and I felt that I wanted to just be supportive at this impossible time and knew it wasn’t at all appropriate to mention you. So, I felt guilty for not telling them about you but also felt as though I wanted to be there 110% for them. I hope when they find out about you they will understand.

If I’m going to be completely honest, the thought of you sometimes feels almost too good to be true. I’m working really hard today on remaining positive and so very grateful for you. I cannot wait to check on you soon at our doctor’s appointment in two weeks. These two weeks cannot pass soon enough right now.

I spoke to Jamie today, and she is doing really great. She said that she is really starting to pop. I hope she will show me her belly when I see her this Wednesday on our date. I can’t believe that two weeks have passed since we last hung out!

She told me the cutest thing today. She and boy Jamie were watching a movie on Sat night and Jamie got up from his side of the couch and went over to hers. He pulled up her shirt and kissed her belly. Then he said “I love you baby, even if you aren’t ours.” When Jamie told me this today, huge tears swelled up in my eyes. I’m just so glad that they love you, too. It kills me that I can’t tell you daily how much I love you while rubbing my growing belly. Just know that you are loved—by many, many people. They are taking wonderful care of you and they will always love you, just as you will always love them. We would not have you if it were not for their incredible gift of love.

Continue to grow strong my dear—25 weeks to go!