February 19, 2010

Hello my sweet Lilly. I thought I would take this quiet moment to let you know that I love you. We have had one very long and very scary week.

Your sister got horribly sick on Monday and we have spent the last 5 days trying to figure out what was wrong with her. On Monday Jamie came over and Grace, your Grandma N and I were all talking to you. Grace was shining a flashlight at Jamie’s belly to try and get you to move more.

They left at around 4pm and Grace began throwing up non-stop for about an hour. Grandma M came over to check on us and Grace went limp and her eyes rolled back into her head while sitting in the bathtub. We rushed her to the doctor with Grandma just holding her limp and wet in the backseat of the car. The doctors thought she had a seizure. She was tired and very out of it. She basically slept through the doctor’s appointment and did sleep through her whole blood draw at 5pm at the hospital—SCARY. She was sent home and we were told to monitor her through the night. Early the next morning she was still VERY “off”—not able to tell us what a television is called. She just couldn’t remember the name of it as hard as she tried. She said “I don’t know mom, it is the machine that you watch shows on”. Grandma M, Dad and I totally panicked and rushed her back to the ER. She was sedated by IV and had an MRI done to look for evidence of a stroke or a tumor. Terrifying. I cried non-stop in the waiting room, scared to death. She was put in my arms to sleep… This was the longest and most terrifying 45 minutes of our life.

The MRI came back perfect. Praise God! The following day (Wed) we had an EEG done and met with the neurologist. Her brain waves were perfect and we learned that she couldn’t have epilepsy. Thank God again! The neurologist does not believe that she had a seizure on Monday. She thought she just had a VERY bad virus, maybe mono. Her white blood cell count was very high though at 26,800. I was terrified again on Wednesday night because she began to throw up again, just as I thought she was getting better. I was on the phone with the doctor until 11pm. We decided I would continue to monitor her from home because IF this was mono, she needed rest.

Yesterday (Thurs) she rested at home all day and continued to improve. Today I took her in for one more poke just to make sure that she is on the mend. She is much better and her white blood cell count is back in the normal range at 6,000. Her mono test that was 80% accurate came back negative.

SO, all these tests later we still have no idea what happened on Monday. It was obviously very serious, yet we may never get to the bottom of it.

We are overjoyed that she is getting much better. She is still more tired than usual but so much better!

I would really like to know though what caused all of these very scary moments. Hopefully we will know more when we get the test results back next week on today’s blood work. (We only got some of the results back today.)

I will tell you, a week like this week makes you realize how incredibly precious a healthy child is. She is my heart and I know that if anything happened to her I could not go on. The love a mother has for her child is like no other love on earth. Being the very best mom I can be is the only thing that matters—it is the only legacy I need to leave.

It makes me a little nervous that I will now have two children that I love THIS much. That I will have two children to protect and keep safe. The thought/fear of ever missing a signal regarding your or your sister's health or dropping the ball in any way as your mother just terrifies me. May each of you live long, healthy, happy lives and may you each outlive me. I pray that you continue to grow to be healthy and strong, just as your big sister does.

I’ve been calling you my little flower and it is making Grace jealous. She said that she is my flower too. I told her that you can each be my flower. You will be my Lilly and Grace will be my rose. She no longer wants to be my precious Angel. The sister rivalry has begun! Really though, we are getting so, so, so, so, so excited about you! Grace told the neurologist all about you this week and the neurologist and her intern thought the story of your conception was so beautiful and Jamie’s gift so rare. We will never ever take the gift of your life for granted.

Thank you, God, for our babies. Please keep each of them safe and sound and please help us to always be the very best parents that we can be.

Love you honey—you are 20.5 weeks old today!