September 17th, 2009

Why we decided to use a “gestational carrier”:
This was NOT an easy decision, obviously. As much as I wanted to carry my own baby—to feel my own baby grow and kick—I also desperately wanted that baby. We had no idea why I couldn’t conceive, especially when we had tried IVF with two “perfect” embryos. We only had 6 embryos left, and Jamie's very sweet offer gave us the best possible odds. Using a surrogate would also alleviate the overwhelming feeling of guilt I would experience if my trying again didn’t work, and I wouldn’t need to worry about more damage to my own physical health after nearly dying the last time...or miscarriage, or post traumatic stress...all possibilities, even probabilities, if I were to risk another pregnancy and delivery. We also knew, loved and completely trusted Jamie and her husband, and we knew that they truly wanted to help us complete our family.
We had discussed the option of using a surrogate after years of trying to conceive the first time, and the subject came up again exactly one year ago when I was told I would need surgery to remove my defective tube if I ever wanted any hope of conceiving again. We were VERY tempted to take “the Jamies” up on their offer at that time, and we almost did, but ultimately we decided to give my body one last shot at this.
It wasn’t until about 2-3 months after our failed IVF attempt that we all decided using a surrogate was the very best option. We then had to wait until 10/5/09 because the embryos had to be frozen for six months, per FDA regulations, before they could be transferred into someone else’s body. This is because the FDA requires that the biological parents get all kinds of lab work done to make sure that they are not carriers of any disease. The gestational carrier is considered the “organ recipient.”
Back to my story...
Here are many of the steps we had to take to get to where we are today:
-Fred and I had to have all of our medical records transferred to our infertility office for their complete review.
-Jamie had to do the same.
-Jamie had to get a full physical and psychological examination done.
-We all had to go through counseling at the infertility office to be sure we knew what we were “getting into.”
-Fred and I had to each be individually interviewed and to answer many very personal questions.
-We had to get all of the legal work done and notarized.
-Jamie had to have a “mock embryo transfer” done to be sure that everything would go smoothly on the big day.
-Fred and I had to go to the office to discuss the plan/process, sign tons of waivers and determine which embryos we thaw (and in which order). We also had to decide how many embryos we wanted to transfer to Jamie. (We left this decision up to Jamie and Jamie.)
-The embryos were frozen with 3 in one container, 2 in one container and 1 in one container. We have asked that 2-3 be transferred. We will first defrost the container of 3. If only one makes it through the defrost, we will defrost the container with one. If that one doesn’t make it, we will then defrost the last container with two in it. Statistically two-thirds of the embryos will make it so we should be able to do IVF two times, but you never know. The success rate, even with 3 frozen embryos, is only 50% and there is a 5% chance of multiples.
-Jamie began her Lupron injections exactly one week ago. She finds that they make her very hormonal/moody and she is retaining water. She does one shot between 6-8pm nightly and she has asked that I call her at 8 pm each night just to make sure that she hasn’t forgotten. So far, she is doing awesome!!!
-Jamie and I had an appointment 2 days ago to go over the entire plan with the nurse. This was the first time that Jamie learned every single step in person, and we were able to get everything scheduled. We each now have our calendar and we are counting down the days… As of now the embryo transfer will take place on Friday, October 16th.
-We also got a large life insurance policy for Jamie. A horrible thought, we know, but given my delivery history—we just felt it was necessary if they were going to do this for us.