June 29th, 2010

Hi Sweet Pea,

Tomorrow will be your birthday, baby girl, and we are all on pins and needles at this point—so eager to hold you and love you and make sure that you are healthy and that Jamie is healthy. Please God, let all go well and please shine on us tomorrow. Let it be the very best day of all of our lives! Keep Jamie and our dear little Lilly safe and healthy/happy. Please help Jamie to revel in the amazing deed she did—let her know how loved and appreciated she is and will always be. Without her, my dear Lilly, you wouldn’t be a branch in our family tree. Without her, you would not fill our empty seat at the dinner table. Without her, my heart would still be missing a huge piece. God please help Jamie to really know what she has done for all of us—she has changed so many lives for the better. She will always be our Angel—ALWAYS.

Now Lilly, please know how adored you have always been. Please know how much you mean to all of us. I promise to never take you for granted—I will cherish you always.

Tonight is like Christmas Eve, although I’ve never had a Christmas Eve this special… Tomorrow you will be given to me, to us, our gift made perfectly—exquisitely for us with so much love, attention, and compassion. There has never been a gift so special! Tomorrow will be the very best day of our life!

I plan to pick up Jamie and we will be at the hospital by 5 am. She will get the antibiotics that she needs for Strep B and then they will break her water and get her labor going. You are being induced one week early to avoid the possible risk of placenta calcification that sometimes occurs at the tail end of pregnancy when a woman carries an embryo that is not genetically her own. When the placenta calcifies the baby fails to get the nutrition and/or oxygen needed to survive. At this point, you are healthy; and we all thought it best to eliminate any possible risk to you and your health.

Jamie has had many contractions since last Saturday so who knows? You may even come naturally between now and tomorrow morning. Wouldn’t that be great!

Your Dad, Grace, both of your loving Grandmothers, “Grandpa” John, Uncle Luke and Aunt Rachel as well as Jamie’s sister, Missy, and her husband all plan to come to the hospital at 8:30. The photographer that has asked to chronicle our journey will also join us just as soon as things get going. The doctor guesses that you will arrive around 10:30. Hopefully all goes perfectly, as planned!

Grace and I had a really nice last day as a twosome. We went and bought “It’s a Girl” balloons for the mailbox, then played many of her favorite board games. After that we went to the pool for 3 hours. That sister of yours LOVES the pool!!! I wonder if you will love it as much as she does?!? She is very proud of herself because, as of last week, she “officially knows how to swim”! (This is what she is now telling/showing everyone.) It amazes me how much she has grown up over the last 9 months. She is one big girl now! Anyway, it was a VERY chilly day today but no other outing would do for our last big day together…so the pool it was!

She is already sound asleep and she knows that the next time she sees me it will be at the hospital. She is VERY excited and really wants to be in the delivery room. We will see how she feels when the time comes.

So…that is your update! Wish me luck sleeping tonight!!! I’m sure I’ll need it! Amazingly, I’ve slept really well up until now and I feel so peaceful about everything. I am more at peace than I have ever been in my entire life. I can only imagine all of the peace I will feel tomorrow when you are safe and sound and finally placed in my arms and when Jamie is smiling from ear to ear—so proud of herself and her gift.

I love you, Angel. Enjoy this last night in your “nest”.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo!!!

Mom

June 26th, 2010

Well, my little lover—I am about to meet you! You will be in my arms in no more than 4 days. It is Saturday evening and Jamie is scheduled to be induced on Wednesday, June 30^th, at 5 am.

Our last OB appointment was yesterday and she was 2-3 cm dilated. The Doctor said that she wouldn’t be surprised if she saw us before Wednesday. Time will tell…

We had a non-stress test done yesterday as a precautionary measure—just to be sure that you were ok. You did not “pass” the test because you were too tired and you were not responsive enough to all of the beeps and vibrations (torture) the nurse put you through. We had to go to the hospital for an ultrasound just to make sure you were ok. The good news is you passed with flying colors, scoring 8 out of 8. They checked the amount of amniotic fluid, your heart rate, your movement and your breathing skills. You did PERFECT!!! We also got to see you in 3D. How FUN! I think you have Grace’s pretty lips and little nose too. You are still our little girl as well. Thank God!

I just cannot believe how amazing the past 9 months have been and how quickly they went by. In no time at all we will be kissing those little lips of yours and holding that little hand. Unbelievable…UNBELIEVABLE!!!

I hope as you read your journey to life in this journal you realize that all things are possible if you want them badly enough. Hopefully you will also see how important great friendships are and aspire to also help others, just as Jamie and her family have helped us. It is also so important that you never judge someone’s journey if you haven’t walked down their life path. Many people haven’t understood our infertility journey—many thought we should just “move on” or “accept” things as they were. Those that we adore supported us through it all—never judging us or our decisions. Find THOSE people. Be THAT person. Be open minded, supportive and loving. Fill your life with people that love and support you. Life is just too short to live it any other way.

Life is also about choices—please, honey, choose to see the cup as half full and enjoy the journey. Take time to smell the roses and cherish the simple things—a beautiful day, a child’s laugh, a call from a loving friend, the waves crashing on the beach, the sunset. These are the things that are important… Not your job title, your salary, the size of your house. These things won’t mean a thing to you on your deathbed. Those that surround you and love you—those that take the time to tell their children about the person you were and the life you lived… Now that’s what matters, that’s what really matters.

Be a good Mom—a really good Mom. No job is more important in my opinion. Remember too that you can do everything, you just can’t do everything at once. Find peace in that and decide to live in and savor the “now.”. “Life is what happens when you are busy making plans.” This is my favorite quote and it is a lesson your Grandma taught me many years ago. Enjoy your journey and learn to roll with the punches. This is no dress rehearsal and there will be no “do over” so you had better enjoy the ride! I have SOOOO enjoyed this ride. Your life journey is better than anything I could have ever created or dreamed up. It was so much more than Jamie, Jamie, your Dad and I could have ever have imagined. It was better than any novel I have ever read or any movie I have ever watched. I would never have had it any other way. It was PERFECT. You have SO many people that cherish you already and you haven’t even been born yet. It took an army of loved ones to help bring you into this world. Amazing how wanted and prayed upon you have been!

Your “journey” into our life, this wonderful life of yours, was anything but typical… It was one extraordinary adventure. Your life will be one extraordinary adventure too! I’m sure of it. Enjoy it my darling…

I cannot wait to meet you, My Love.

God Speed!!!

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo (and a gazillion more),

YOUR Mom!

June 18th, 2010

Hi Honey,

I wanted to let you know that the Doctor has decided to induce you one week before your due date (if you have not come on your own by then). That means that in just over a week and a half, you will be in our arms! Unbelievable!

Please, God, take good care of our Angel and of Jamie and please keep each of them healthy while we wait…

Love you, Peanut.

Your Mommy

June 17th, 2010

Hi my little lover. I am longing for you right now… Feels like I’m holding my breath until you get here. It is soooo close!

We just got done looking at all of the pregnancy photos, and they are amazing. Your journey has been nothing short of a miraculous, amazing love story. I am so glad that you will have these photos to see how much so many people wanted you. You are our gift—you will always be my most amazing, most special gift.

We have had another wonderful week. On Tuesday Jamie, Olive, Grace and I went to get our pedicures for the hospital. We had such a fun time. The girls LOVED it and our toes are all now ready for your big day!

On Wednesday (yesterday) Grace and I went to pick out our gifts for each of Jamie's kids. We got them each a stuffed animal and some other fun toys and candy. I’m excited to give them to each of them at the hospital when they come to meet you.

Today Grace and I went to the park, then the pool. It was a gorgeous day!

Tomorrow we will go back to the OB to check on you again—37.5 weeks “baked”!

Love you, honey!!!

Mom

June 13th, 2010

Hi My Baby Girl,

You are so big now!!! You are almost 37 weeks, which is considered full term. Ahhhh… You are doing GREAT and so is Jamie. We had her OB appointment 2 days ago and she was one centimeter dilated. That doesn’t at all tell us when you will be here but things are beginning to happen.

We also had Jamie and Jamie and their kids over yesterday and a photographer came to take baby photos with all of us. We had a wonderful time with the Compton Family, as always, and hopefully we got some good shots. After the photo shoot we all went out to lunch and it was great!

Your Dad, Sister and I all felt you kick a lot too yesterday. That was the best part of the day.

Jamie guessed that you would be born in 1.5 weeks from yesterday. Your Dad guessed two weeks from last Thursday. (Today is Sunday.) I’ll just be thrilled to meet you, whenever you decide to join us (but selfishly hope it is in June!!!).

I also went to the mall yesterday and bought some fun gifts for Jamie and her family. I made a goodie bag filled with fancy bath stuff, magazines, and candy for Jamie’s hospital stay and I also got Jamie a beautiful necklace. The necklace has a pearl in it that hangs through a pretty heart. Jamie loves pearls and I love the semblance of pearls because they are the birthstone of June (hence my hope that you are born this month!) and I love that the pearl flows through the heart. It makes me thing of you, darling, and how we all grew you in our heart. Without Jamie’s HUGE heart, we wouldn’t have you. The necklace is just perfect and I can’t wait to put it on her after your birth!

So… we are ready for you. I even bought your pretty baby book yesterday. I hope to get your footprints into it at the hospital. We will see if I remember in the midst of all of our excitement!

I am beginning to wake at night now—just thinking about how soon you will be here. I can tell I’m getting more anxious. I just hope and pray that you are born healthy and that your delivery is as painless as possible for Jamie. I also hope that Jamie is ok emotionally after handing you over to us. What a gift!

OK, off to tuck my Gracie Girl into bed.

I LOVE you!!!

June 1, 2010

Hi Peanut,

I spent the evening with you tonight and enjoyed every single second. You are really getting so big. It is beyond amazing! Jamie and I went to dinner and then went and saw the movie “Babies.” During the movie you were moving around as much as you are able to now. It is getting tight in there now. I loved feeling your little butt move around. Before we all know it that little behind will be in our arms!

Jamie is doing just awesome. She feels great and she looks so amazing. You can tell that she really just loves being pregnant. I really think she would (and should) stay pregnant forever. Just not with you! She is just glowing. She tells me all of the time how glad she is that she did this. You can absolutely tell that she means it.

I think that this journey has completely exceeded every possible expectation any of us could of ever possibly had. Your journey to life, my dear, was an amazing one. Nothing less than a miracle! MUCH better than a great novel or movie… How lucky are we that we got to live it?!? See, God has a plan for each of us and his plan is so much bigger than any plan we could dream up.

Jamie said that you are fully down in her pelvis now, head down too. I’ll bet we will be holding you THIS month. It is just so surreal. So very hard still for me to believe.

The pool in our neighborhood opened this last week. We have told Grace all along that it would open just before you came. You can imagine her excitement! She tells anyone that will listen all about you.

I am spending these last special days with Grace and really enjoying them. We have been playing at the pool, the beach and we went to a professional baseball game too this past weekend. She just loved the fireworks at the end. Everything is that much sweeter these days for all of us.

That is about it here. We go to your next appointment on Friday. (Today is Tuesday.) I’m sure our OB will just tell Jamie what a rock star she is and tell her to keep up the great work!

I love you honey--so very much!

Mom

May 25, 2010

May 25, 2010

Hi Honey,

I wanted to write to you to let you know how excited everyone is getting. You are getting big and you will be here before we know it! Jamie continues to feel and look great. You can tell that she is genuinely just so glad that she chose to do this. Gosh, she grew you! Your Aunt Andrea and cousin Ella were in town this last week and it was so wonderful to hold Ella. She is such a beautiful and sweet baby. I adore her and so does Grace. Unfortunately, your Dad got the stomach flu and Grace got croup just before they arrived so they stayed at Grandma’s house just to play it safe. We did see them some but much less than I had hoped. Grace had a broken heart because she was too sick to even touch Ella. The extent to which she was so upset about it broke Aunt Andrea’s and my heart. It also showed all of us what a gift you will be to her. She is just sooooo excited for you—we ALL are!

Aunt Andrea and Jamie and I went out to dinner last night and it was a wonderful time. Your Aunt cried while thanking Jamie over and over again for you. We will thank her for the rest of our lives! Aunt Andrea loved seeing how very pregnant Jamie is too. It made you that much more real to her.

I packed your bag for the hospital today. I suppose I’ll pack my own soon too! Jamie and I went out a week ago to buy matching PJ’s for the hospital. Should be a great photo opp! It was fun to check out at each store because in each case the person would ask Jamie what she was having and in each case she would answer “She is having a girl.” (While pointing at me.) No one could believe her selflessness or my good fortune. They were all VERY happy for us.

Honestly, baby girl, the journey to you has been such an amazing one! God has had and continues to have a plan for our life that is just so much bigger than anything we could come up with on our own. This journey has truly been beyond amazing. You should always know what lengths we all went to with the dream of you in mind. Now, my love, you are only weeks away from my arms! Hard to believe…

Oh, and our home study is now COMPLETE too. One day you will have that fun read to look forward to as well!

I love you honey.

Xoxoxoxoxo,

Mom

May 9th, 2010 (Better late than never!)

I apologize for the long delay in posting the last/next few journal entries. I will work on catching up over this next week. We have been VERY busy in May of 2011 with a fun trip to the Smoky Mountains and also to Atlanta to visit with my Sister and her family. Life in 2011 is amazing. But…for now, I’ll finish catching you up on 2010!

May 9^th, 2010

Hi Lilly, my dear. I wanted to take some time today, on Mother’s Day, to tell you how happy and excited I am to be your mommy. I love you so much already, amazing since we haven’t even met yet! It’s funny because even though you are not growing in my belly, I do feel you growing every day in my heart. I cannot believe that you will be in my arms in just 6-8 more weeks. Amazing!

We have had one wonderful week. On Monday of last week Grace and I went to Dutch Village in Holland for the day and had such an amazing time together. The day before, we went to Holland as a family for their Tulip Festival and that day was perfect as well. The day before that we went to the children’s museum, and the day before that Grace and I went to the zoo. Hope you are ready for some fun! (And I hope you are an easy baby so we can keep up at our crazy pace!) Last Thursday was Grace’s Mother’s Day tea party for me at school. It was adorable. She goes to farm school on Tuesdays and Thursdays from 8:30-11:30 this year. Anyway, they sang songs, brought us “tea” and made muffins for us. They also made us special gifts, a painted ceramic tile and a beautiful drawing of their mom. We watched a video of each of them telling their moms what they loved most about us too. It was so sweet! Later that afternoon we met Jamie and Olive as well as Jamie’s mom for lunch, and we all went together to the OB appointment. Grace and Olive loved hearing your heart beat! They also liked meeting our OB. She couldn’t believe how much Olive looks like Jamie and how much Grace looks like me. It was a perfect day once again! You are doing so great still and so is Jamie. She still looks amazing too!!!

On Friday Grace and I went to a “Fancy Nancy” dinner at church. We got all dressed up in our fanciest clothes, had a “fancy” dinner, got a professional photo taken together, did 3 fun “fancy” crafts, listened to a librarian read her favorite Fancy Nancy book and then had a dance party. It was so much fun!

Yesterday your Dad and Grace brought me breakfast in bed and, boy, was it ever good! We spent most of the day organizing all of the girls clothes in this house to be sure that we had everything ready for you. Last night we took Grandma out for dinner at Bonefish Grill with Uncle Luke and Aunt Rachel. (They have been dating for 4 years at this point.)

Today we spent Mother's Day with your other Grandma, Aunt Heather and her boyfriend Marc. It was a really nice day.

So, as you can see, we like to stay busy around here. That is probably why the time goes so fast. Like I said, you really will be here with us joining in all of our fun before we know it! We are totally ready for you!!!

We are almost done with the “adoption” paperwork. We have our last home visit this Tuesday and then we are all set, I think. I am really glad that we were forced to “adopt” you. I’m sure it will be a fun read for you when you are older as your adoption book chronicles your father's life and my life since birth, our dating and married life and our life as it is now. It is quite the “baby book” for you. After reading it you will see just how badly we wanted you. You are the greatest gift of all, that’s for sure!

Jamie also had a random stalker over the course of the last couple of months and that too has been pretty upsetting for all of us. Her husband finally called this creep and asked him to please leave her alone. (He really was a stalker, had been imprisoned in years past and all…very scary.) He asked Jamie’s husband if they were happily married (who does that?!?) and he said “yes, very happily.” He then asked Jamie’s husband to please ask Jamie to send back all of the creepy stuff he had sent her. (This included some psycho “love story” and other letters that he had written her.) This stalker has been in and out of mental hospitals and prisons. Jamie met him 13+ years ago at her first job at a restaurant. He found her on facebook a couple of months ago and then was able to find her address. At that point he began sending her many scary letters. Needless to say, this has been the hardest part for me of this journey. There is nothing like not being able to protect your dear friend and your baby. It was a really, really hard and scary time for all of us.

Ironically, this was all coming to a head at the same time as we found out that your pre-birth order had been denied and that we would need to “adopt” you, and quickly too. It was especially hard because I wanted so badly to know that you were safe, yet I knew that you were not ready to come out and, even if you did, you would not be legally ours. What a crazy time it has been.

Now, honey, you can see why I couldn’t bring myself to write in here for a while. We stayed very positive during this time and somehow writing it all down would make it too real and too scary. So, I’ve not been able to write.

I really think we are through the worst of it now though. Thank God!

I have absolutely learned to appreciate each and every day and not to let those things that we cannot control get in my way from having a wonderful day. I refuse to let them bring me down during this amazing journey to you. The outcome in life will be the same, whether or not we obsessively worry or chose to just keep plugging away and seeing the cup as half full, savoring life. The only thing we CAN control is how happy we are today, in this moment. Thanks to this lesson, I spend much less time worrying and much more time savoring all of the wonderful things life has to offer. This lesson has been such a gift and you, my dear, have helped me learn it. I love you honey!

Xoxoxoxoxoxo (and a million more!).

Mommy